Loneliness can physically harm your elderly loved ones – it can raise levels of stress hormones and inflammation, which in turn increases the risk of heart disease, type 2 diabetes, dementia, and other complications. Here’s how you can help your loved ones build resilience against loneliness and support them as they adjust to the changes of ageing.

We’ve all experienced loneliness from time to time: when a family dinner is reduced to mindless TV, when we move to a foreign place, or when everyone’s already made plans and you didn’t. It is a universal, “subjective feeling of sadness at being alone,” as explained by Julianne Holt-Lunstad and Timothy B. Smith, psychologist researchers at Brigham Young University.

However, over the last decade, what seems to be an occasional feeling has spiralled into a global public health concern, plaguing communities across continents. In the U.S., one in three adults over the age of 45 reported feeling trapped by loneliness. In 2018, the same issue was brought forward in the U.K., leading to the appointment of the world’s first “Minister for Loneliness”, whose sole mission is to curb the epidemic. On this side of the world, in Hong Kong, where the silver population continues to grow, there is no exception. According to a 2016 report by the Census and Statistics Department, 13.1% of the elderly in Hong Kong lived entirely by themselves, while 25.2% lived only with their spouse with no family.

Even though the sense of loneliness and isolation affects people of all ages, elderly people face particular disruptions. Studies show that loneliness peaks as people age into their 80s and 90s, in part due to a shrink in social circles and a loss of health and mobility. “It isn’t until the losses begin to mount in much older age — the loss of health and mobility, the deaths of spouses, family and friends — that people begin to be unable to bounce back and loneliness spikes,” Louise Hawkley, senior scientist at the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, told CNN .

When the temporary feeling of loneliness develops into a chronic condition, its impact is not to be underestimated. Earlier, researchers warned that the impact of loneliness is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day . Seniors who reported they felt isolated or lacked companionship are more likely than others to become afflicted with Alzheimer’s and dementia. It is also well-established that the feeling of loneliness can heighten the risk of heart disease and stroke and raise the risk of mortality by more than a quarter . In Japan, death as a result of loneliness has become so prevalent that a specific word — Kodokushi — was created to describe it.

Furthermore, feelings of loneliness can be amplified during festivals. Festivals do bring together family members from different parts of the world, but for the elderly living alone, the constant emphasis on family-time coupled with the temporary solace provided by visiting children acts as a reminder of yet another year of loneliness, with their loved ones going back to their regular lives sooner than later. Sometimes, festivals also provide a platform to reminisce about old times, which may echo painful memories of one’s past, including tough and irreplaceable losses. 

While the elderly might be placed in a vulnerable position during such times, there certainly is hope. Here’s how you can play a part to help your loved ones with feelings of loneliness.

1. Stay in regular contact

This is perhaps the most crucial of all. Being in frequent touch with your ageing parents, especially if you live apart, could go a long way to make them feel loved and cared for. It also instills a sense of security in them. Try to call them at least once a day to ask them if they have eaten, or remind them to take their medication. Checking-in daily would give the impression that you are around, thus making them feel less lonely.

2. Pay a visit from time to time

Nothing can replace the value of intimate, real-time contact with your loved ones. Truly, the physical presence of someone close to us is unparalleled. Help them to overcome isolation by spending quality time together. Activities such as a board game night and movie night can make a positive impact on their lives. Since festivals can be overwhelming in terms of loneliness, you may consider going the extra mile to see your parents even after the festive season is over! 

3. Encourage them to volunteer

Giving back to society is one of the purest paths towards finding meaning in life. A sense of purpose in life can also reduce stress levels, commonly experienced during loneliness, and may help one live longer, according to Harvard Medical School. Plus, it would provide a chance for your ageing parent or loved one to step out of the house and interact with the community. 

4. Be an active listener

One of the simplest yet effective things you can do is listen. Be it over the phone, via Skype, or in person, encourage the elderly to speak about themselves and their experiences. Oftentimes, amidst our busy schedules, we get so immersed in work that we forget to be a good listener. Ask questions, take an interest in their lives. This will not only provide them with an opportunity to impart wisdom and alleviate their feelings of loneliness, but also allow you to bond with your ageing parents better. 

If your loved ones need a companion while you’re away from home, you can consider hiring an in-home caregiver. Click here to learn more.

Feature photo by Jenora Vaswani